Saturday, 30 June 2007

Cuts for dog reporters

As part of its economy drive, Charlton is to cut the half time provision of dog biscuits for canine reporters. A club spokesperson said, 'Whilst the savings will not be huge, all departments of the club have to take their share of the cuts that result from relegation. Providing specialist biscuits for dog reporters was an extra demand on management time.'

'Dog reporters are welcome to take their share of the biscuits provided for human jouros, although in future these will be plain digestives rather than chocolate.'

The Association of Canine Match Analyts was not impressed. President Homer the Cherry Hound said: 'Human journos will accuse us of snatching biscuits off plates and wolfing them down. Charlton has been at the forefront of provision for dog supporters in the past, but this is a retrograde step.'

Monday, 25 June 2007

Dog reporters upset by relegation

'Not me guv' says Hooch the Pooch

Our dog reporters were so upset at the news of relegation that they tore up the day's post in disgust. Ivy the Terrible was particularly upset as when she was rescued from the Dogs Trust she was told she would be joining a Premiership club.

Ivy the Terrible will be lead reporter in the Championship with Hooch the Pooch acting as mentor and covering selected matches.

Ivy is a Belgian Shepherd (hence she responds to commands in French and Flemish, but likes to pretend she does not understand English). Her hobbies include swimming in the River Avon; chewing table legs and skirting boards; and pestering Juneau the Soccer Cat - who takes it badly given that her breed is the Official Cat of the State of Maine.

Good things about the Championship

1. Normal sized programme.
2. Save the wages of pitch announcer telling us it's the Valley and 'Welcome to the Coca-Cola Championship, it's Charlton versus Scunthorpe United.'
3. No naff Premiership anthem.